Grief is a universal human experience, yet it’s one we often struggle to navigate with grace and understanding. As someone who has faced the unimaginable loss of a child, Chad Harrigan, this week’s Midlife Catalyst Podcast guest, learned firsthand the importance of creating space for authentic conversations about grief and loss. Chad shares his insights on how to better support those who are grieving, without falling into the trap of saying the wrong things.
The Silence of Presence: A Powerful Gift
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned about supporting someone through grief is the power of silent presence. We often feel compelled to fill the air with words, to offer advice or platitudes in an attempt to ease the pain. But sometimes, the greatest gift we can offer is simply being there.
As Chad Harrigan, a life and leadership coach, shared with me, “Shut up, sit down, rub my back, don’t talk to me unless I’m talking to you, but just be there.” This simple act of presence can be more comforting than any words we might stumble over.
Embracing Emotional Authenticity
In our culture, we often encourage people to “be strong” in the face of loss. However, this well-intentioned advice can sometimes do more harm than good. Chad emphasized the importance of allowing ourselves and others to feel and express emotions fully:
“We don’t need you to be strong for us. We want to know you care. You don’t need to leave the room and cry. You don’t need to not show emotions, feel them also.”
By giving ourselves and others permission to grieve openly, we create an environment of emotional authenticity that can be deeply healing.
The Myth of the “Right” Way to Grieve
One of the most damaging misconceptions about grief is that there’s a “right” way to do it. The truth is, grief is as unique as the individual experiencing it. Chad shared how this misunderstanding nearly tore apart his sister’s marriage after she lost one of her twins:
“It’s easy to think that if you’re not grieving the way I grieve, when I grieve and you’re not grieving with me in a way that I consider to be proper grieving, that you don’t care like I do, if at all.”
Understanding and accepting that everyone grieves differently can be crucial in maintaining relationships during these challenging times.
Practical Ways to Support Someone Who’s Grieving
Ask specific questions: Instead of the vague “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering concrete options. “Do you want me to sit here and be quiet? Do you want a hug? Want to put your head on my shoulder?”
Create space for controlled grief: Chad shared a valuable piece of advice he received: “Give yourself a time limit for the day. You get up, you wash your cheeks, brush your teeth, you go out, eat and talk to people. Let them love on you.”
Encourage self-care activities: Whether it’s playing video games, making music, or any other hobby, having an outlet for processing emotions can be incredibly therapeutic.
The Importance of Talking About Death
Perhaps one of the most crucial takeaways from my conversation with Chad was the need to normalize discussions about death and loss before we’re faced with them. By doing so, we can better prepare ourselves and our loved ones for the inevitable challenges that come with grief.
As we work towards creating a more compassionate and understanding approach to grief, let’s remember that it’s not about having all the right words or actions. It’s about showing up, being present, and allowing space for the full spectrum of human emotions.
By fostering these open, authentic conversations about loss and grief, we can build stronger, more resilient communities capable of supporting each other through life’s most challenging moments. After all, isn’t that what we all want? To know that when the unthinkable happens, we won’t have to face it alone.
Podcast Links:
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Where to Find Us:
Connect with Chad on Instagram at Hey Chad Harrigan.
Check out Chad’s wife Alexia’s book: Sunny With a Chance of Showers by Dr. Alexia Harrigan
Want to be a guest on the Midlife Catalyst Podcast?
I would love to hear your story. Whether you’re navigating a personal transformation, seeking deeper self-awareness, or just want to share your insights, reach out! Visit the Midlife Catalyst Website or email info@midlifecatalyst.net.
