Beyond Quick Fixes: Uncovering the Root Causes of Change
When Will You Ever Be Happy? The Elusive Chase That Fuels Consumerism
The root of my continual quest for personal growth is the elusive chase of happiness. What makes a good enough life…I’m not sure that I will ever find it; just when I think I have it figured out, I self-sabotage! The notion is scary but also what keeps me going. As you will hear on next week’s podcast, I’m an inventor and a creative, so I am easily bored and continually seeking new ideas.
I've been thinking a lot about the concept of change lately. I've been studying why I constantly seek change and growth rather than just being, where my need to shake things up comes from, and how I can stifle those feelings. That’s a wild thing to write about…developing fewer goals and seeking to change less rather than more. That’s not what sells! Consumerism lives off of our longing for more and feelings of inadequate imperfection. The wellness industry is a $6.3 trillion business based on deficits and insecurities.
To become better versions of ourselves…it's a beautiful aspiration, isn't it? My path to change wasn’t so beautiful; it was a dark hole where I got sick of my own bullshit.
What's your main motivation for change?
External validation
Feeling better overall
Sick of your own BS
Finding happiness
Comment your number:
For years, I found myself caught in what I now affectionately call "Groundhog Day Mode." Every January, like clockwork, I'd dust off my journal and scribble down the same resolutions. Lose weight. Save money. Find a new job. Cut back on drinking. Sound familiar?
These goals weren't inherently bad but missing something crucial: depth. I was scratching the surface, addressing symptoms rather than root causes. It took me far too long to realize that real, lasting change requires more than just willpower and a list of vague aspirations.
The Lifestyle Pyramid: A New Perspective on Wellness
Recently, I obtained a lifestyle and wellness certification, though I'll admit, I'm hesitant to flaunt that title these days as it’s become so politicized, but what hasn’t?!? What I learned, however, was invaluable. The program introduced me to the concept of a lifestyle pyramid1 consisting of six fundamental pillars:
Avoidance of risky substances
Sleep
Diet
Exercise
Stress management
Social connection
This framework opened my eyes to the interconnectedness of our habits and choices. It wasn't just about losing weight or saving money but about creating a foundation for overall well-being. Much of my book is dedicated to my struggle with social connection and my realization that I placed it at the top of my pyramid because I don’t consider it important, even though it is vital! I would not have gotten sober, started running half marathons, and attempted to write a book without community.
Drilling Down to the Core
For me, the game-changer was addressing my relationship with alcohol. It wasn't until I got sober that I realized how profoundly it had been impacting every other aspect of my life. Suddenly, my sleep improved. The weight started to come off - and stay off. My stress levels decreased, and my social connections became more authentic and meaningful.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson: to create lasting change, we need to drill down to the problem behind the problem. It's not about quick fixes or surface-level adjustments. It's about identifying the core issues that are holding us back and addressing them head-on. That can’t be bought in a neatly packaged wellness jar!
I don’t consider sobriety to be a habit; I consider it a core tenet of my life. I do consider the activities that help me stay sober to be habits, i.e., morning routine, exercise programs, meditation, meetings, etc, and I occasionally need to change those up depending on my life situation. I make changes to the routines, not abandon my sobriety! This often provides a renewed outlook to my recovery.
The Pitfall of Performative Goals
In our quest for self-improvement, it's easy to fall into the trap of setting performative goals. You know the type: read 50 books this year, hit 10,000 steps every day, meditate for an hour each morning. While these goals aren't inherently bad, they often miss the point.
The question we should be asking ourselves is: Why? Why do we want to achieve these things? What value will they bring to our lives? If we're just chasing numbers for the sake of it, we're likely to end up feeling unfulfilled, even if we reach our targets.
I recently found myself in a number-chasing loop involving subscribers. It’s easy to do on Substack, especially when my feed is flooded with self-proclaimed gurus posts to help triple your subscriber count and make you feel bad for not reaching a certain number with one post. I’ve long been a number chaser, fondly referred to as “Just One More.” If I just run one more mile, work one more hour, book one more trip, buy one more outfit, or drink one more beer, my life will be better. It never got better, and it was never just one more! I made myself miserable, chasing an elusive level of happiness.
Finding Your 'Why'
Instead of setting arbitrary goals, I've started focusing on intentions that genuinely improve my quality of life. For example, rather than aiming to read a certain number of books, I've made a commitment to replace my Netflix binges with reading in the evenings. The result? Better sleep improved mental clarity, and a sense of accomplishment that no "books read" tally could provide.
The Power of Micro-Changes
One of the most powerful lessons I've learned is the impact of small, consistent changes. Rather than trying to overhaul my entire life overnight, I've started focusing on micro-adjustments that add up over time.
For instance, I recently noticed that my coffee habit was ramping up my anxiety. Instead of swearing off caffeine entirely (let's be realistic here), I made a simple change: I now wait an hour after waking up before having my first cup. This small shift has made a noticeable difference in my overall well-being.
Your Turn: What's Your Micro-Change?
I encourage you to think about one small change you could make that might have a ripple effect on your life. Maybe it's setting a glass of water by your bed to drink first thing in the morning. Perhaps it's taking a 10-minute walk during your lunch break. Whatever it is, make sure it's something that resonates with you and aligns with your values. Do it for a week and reflect on your mood and mindset. A daily gratitude practice helps me stay on track with this method.
The Myth of the One-Size-Fits-All Solution
If there's one thing I want you to take away from this, it's this: there is no universal formula for personal growth and well-being. Anyone who tries to sell you a one-size-fits-all solution is, quite frankly, full of it.
We are all unique individuals with different needs, routines, and challenges. What works for me might not work for you, and that's okay. The key is to experiment, collect data on your own habits and behaviors, and find what truly resonates with you.
Embracing the Journey
Remember, lasting change isn't about quick fixes or dramatic transformations. It's about showing up for yourself day after day, making small adjustments, and gradually building a life that feels authentic and fulfilling to you.
So, as we navigate the complexities of life and self-improvement, let's be kind to ourselves. Let's celebrate the small victories2 and learn from the setbacks. And most importantly, let's focus on creating changes that make us feel genuinely better - not just changes that look good on paper.
What's one small change you're considering making in your life? I'd love to hear about it. After all, we're all in this journey together, supporting each other as we strive to become the best versions of ourselves.
If you want to support me without becoming a subscriber, you can Buy Me A Coffee here! I’ve cut back, but I’m not giving up every vice!
I’m repeatedly told I do not do this, so it’s a work in progress and a focus for me in 2025.
This is GOOD STUFF!!!!! Thanks for sharing!
Love this! Thanks for sharing!