February Round-Up

The KC Sun is Bringing the Myth of Wellness and Cult Behavior to Light

I feel like this is becoming a recurring theme…February was one of the roughest months in recent memory. To be the shortest month, it felt like the longest. February brought the Groundhog Day live event, and I’m looking forward to more of those in the coming months. Connecting with folks through Substack and my writing group has been a welcome relief in a dark winter. Alas, we survived and are two months into a year that has felt like three! The sun is shining, the snow is melting, and renewed optimism fills my walking shoes and typing fingers. I have survived my first winter¹ in KC with lots of books, writing, and Zoom meetings. Feeling stuck and ready to release all of the stored-up thoughts through walks, hoping my body has healed, rested, and recovered to carry me through this season.

A preview of March!

I’m diving deeper into the naughtiest word in my vocabulary: wellness! Full disclosure: My healthy habits took a break during the last few weeks of winter. I indulged in a few binges of TV series surrounding wellness and cults while drinking my second, third cup of coffee. I can fully justify this behavior when it’s negative six degrees outside and snow doesn’t melt for six weeks. I also call it research! I spent most of February trapped inside, navel-gazing through the liminal space, desperately waiting for the next big surge of motivation to arrive and carry me into overworking on a project.

I’ve been consumed with health and wellness from a young age, sometimes excessively. I equate growing up as an athlete as well as society’s obsession with women’s weight and appearance as the main contributing factors. However, writing my memoir plus² has helped me excavate even deeper root causes. I spent most of February rather stuck…indoors, in my head, in my writing process, and exploring old wounds.

This year has triggered memories from two different points of my life:

1. Spring of 2020 with what the Pandemic, remote work, and the political climate felt like, along with returning to roots of early sobriety. It wasn’t all bad!

2. The misogyny and the thin-obsessed culture of the late 90’s. I believe there is a strong correlation between females being thin and the attempt to silence us. Women “should” shrink into the background rather than the presidency. I long for some redo’s in my life, but I desire for those to be with the knowledge I have now, yet I feel like society is just clinging and repeating the past, and I have no desire to revisit that.

I love to exercise, and there is little doubt about what it does for my mindset, mood, and confidence. It plays a critical role in my mental health, but I’ve been known to take it too far. Oh, the life of an addict; exercise is one of my vices approved by society.

I became a vegetarian during my freshman year in college. The combination of a bio-lab dissection and an emerging eating disorder contributed to this decision. Can you imagine living in red-meat country and shunning a steak?!?! I moved to Arizona in 1999 and was introduced to Trader Joe’s, and it was a game changer; it was 15 years later, the grocery store came to OKC, long after I had abandoned vegetarianism, although my meat consumption is still limited. I was well informed of the crap in our food long before MAHA and the Instagram wellness influencers made it great!

For the longest time I punished my body for not being perfect and not accomplishing things I thought I “should” have. Through counseling and sobriety, that mindset improved, although I have to remain cognizant of slips, that inner critic is sneaky, especially when rail thin images of women yet again surround us. Rather than dissipate, that mindset seemed to shift to overworking and my thoughts. Why can’t my mind generate the ideas, sentences, and thoughts needed to control the world and improve things? Thus, I’m doing some deep work on perfectionism right now. It’s a delicate balance to get into movement to get out of my head, but not overdo it to an. unhealthy level.

Here’s where I get controversial, so stick with me…I don’t disagree with some of the things RFK Jr. touts³. The difference between us is that I don’t waiver on my beliefs to fit into a group and be accepted. He’s a pawn and is so desperate to be liked that he sold his soul and will get what he deserves…they all do! The industry needs regulation, but it will never happen because it’s all a money game. Alcohol would have been sitting on the shelves next to cigarettes long ago if that weren’t the case.

What I can assure you JR doesn’t want to do is take my antidepressants away! It’s a holistic approach, working in tandem to maintain a level of balance. No amount of exercise or meditation can balance me out like meds do; believe me, I had years of experience before finally succumbing in 2012 and questioning why I waited so long. I toyed for many years with going off of hormonal medications because I didn’t want the chemicals in my body, especially as someone who’s a ticking cancer time bomb. Still, my vanity won out because I require certain chemicals to balance my hormones to minimize breakouts. That’s the informed choice I have made, and I will rage like a motherfucker if that is no longer an option.

In my life experience, if something sounds too good to be true, it definitely is. There are no quick fixes, life is hard, and we all just want to feel better. Many women told me that the 40s would be the best time of my life. To be fair, I don’t think any of these women anticipated that both of my parents would die and the political climate would be what it has been. Other than these life-changing events, this decade has been better than most. I was told that I would stop caring: to be thin, what others think, to appear a certain way, or to impress others. I think a better explanation of my midlife experience has been the desire to relinquish control, the longing to fix myself to be approved by those I deemed important, and the fear of not reaching my potential before death. Stepping over this threshold has been some of my most freeing work. It’s hard for those who haven’t embarked on this journey to understand.

I also have less tolerance for the trivial, so I watch little TV, but I have been taking extended social media breaks⁴, and I’ve found myself watching a bit more TV as research.

I had little interest in the awards shows because I have watched so few of the nominees, so my TV watching consisted of sports, and a continued deep dive into cult behavior. I feel like the theme of February was narcissism, fake wellness, and cults.

1. SNL

I’m ranking the 50th Anniversary Special as one of the best things of 2025. I loved SNL growing up, so seeing so many old characters and skits return was nostalgic, and the return home provided much-needed comfort as we embark on the end of civilization as it’s been known.

2. Apple Cider Vinegar (Netflix)

During one of several snowstorms this month, I indulged in a Netflix binge and watched Apple Cider Vinegar. I loved this show, and it brought so many points to light. If you have ever witnessed someone die from cancer, then you can relate to the main characters rather than judge them. My empathy ran deep because the fear of dying and the need to be liked and belong are the core of most human behavior. The enabling behavior of several of the men in this series was also fascinating, leading me to continue my search of why some men cling to unbalanced⁵ women.

3. The Way Down (Max) & Love Has Won - Mother God (Max)

These shows both center around women basically playing God, so placing the blame solely onto men is wrong of me. These prove that when someone gets too much power and attention, it can go too far. One of my worst experiences with a narcissist was a female boss so I remain highly skeptical and cautious of female friendships. The themes of thinness, belonging, and antidepressants as evil also come through these series, so they are worth watching if the topics interest you.

What has been your favorite watch of 2025 so far?

February Playlist

Music brought me great comfort in February between the Grammys, the Super Bowl Halftime Show, and the SNL 50th Anniversary Specials. My playlist this month was a bit lighter and more meditative.

I’m grateful for the positive feedback I’ve received from last week’s podcast, and I will continue the conversation on habits, mindsets, and lifestyle into the spring. I have lots more to say and explore what has been beneficial in creating lasting change and growth for myself and others.

On to March, one of my favorite months. There will be minimal posts because I will be moving, traveling to Vegas, finishing up the first draft of my book, and hopefully spending time outdoors soaking up the spring temperatures. Lifestyle and wellness will certainly be the theme and focus of my work this spring.

1. Everyone tells me this weather was an anomaly that only occurs every 20 years. I am not locked into a lease for next winter yet!

2. This is what the publishers call it these days!

3. Not vaccines or his take on the measles.

4. I cannot express how freeing this has been, I will write more on this at another time as I’m continuing to gather data on my mindset after extended breaks.

5. I am all for female empowerment, but I have learned the hard way over the years that not all females are to be trusted. I will also say more about this at a later date. There is a section of females that I don’t understand, and I know the feeling is mutual. It’s probably just safe to say that humans can be evil regardless of gender!